Buffy and the Nasty Edward (working title)
by franokuski
Summary: Buffy, Willow and Xander take on Edward, who is a pain in the neck for almost the entire student body in Sunnydale High. (working summary)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is a property of 20th Century Fox Television, a division of The Walt Disney Company**.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FOLLOWING TWO CHAPTERS WERE BORROWED FROM MY UPCOMING ORIGINAL NOVEL WORK WITH ORIGINAL CHARACTERS BEING REPLACED BY "BUFFY" CHARACTERS AND SEVERAL WORDS AND DIALOGUE BEEN EDITED OUT!

Buffy is walking into the Sunnydale park while dressed in a blue leather jacket over her white tank top and dark blue jeans. She has an earpiece on her right hear so she can hear and talk to her and my best friend Willow, who is at her home doing master control on her computer with her speakers turned on.

"Buffy can you hear me?" Willow said over the speaker phone.

"Yeah I can hear you Willow," Buffy said while briefly holding her earpiece.

"Okay good. I just want you to know that there's a demon approaching towards you."

"Alright," Buffy said as she start stepping backwards away from the approaching demon. "Here. Goes. Nothing." She then pulled out a yo-yo from her right jeans pocket and shows it to the demon. She then spins it in front of him.

As the yo-yo spins left and right, the demon abruptly stops as his eyes get immediately glued to the spinning yo-yo, meaning that he has been HYPNOTIZED by Buffy.

While she's hypnotizing him, she hears a sound of another demon coming from behind her.

Seconds afterwards, she begins to see that second demon come running closer to her. Knowing that this demon is about to strike her in the back, she LEAPS HIGH and do a BACKWARDS SOMERSAULT over the approaching Demon #2.

And as a result, Demon #2 has RUN PAST HER, giving him a shocking look on his face as he instead accidentally KNOCKED the hypnotized demon to the ground.

...while the demons lay each other on their stomachs.

Buffy goes back straight down and landed back on the ground on both of her feet.

The second demon started to get up off of the other one. "What the fuck is that shit for?" Demon #2 asked her.

"Oh don't even ask me that question," she said. "I know you were going to attack me with the thought of me being unnoticed."

Demon #2 fully stands up and glanced at her. "Well you luck you got your brain power working," he said. "Too bad I'm gonna suck your brain out."

"Well if you gonna suck my brain out, then prove it," she said.

"Alright then," he then crossed his fingers with both hands open, aiming at her head and SHOOTS A GREEN BEAM out of his both hands towards her brain.

But she LIGHTS UP HER ENTIRE BODY YELLOW, effectively shielding herself from his GREEN BEAM attack.

He then stops shooting the beam. He flex his hands. "Okay I'm gonna try again," he said.

"Well then try again idiot," she said as she turns her body light off briefly.

He then hold both hands and SHOOTS A GREEN BEAM again!

But at the same time, she LIGHTS HER ENTIRE BODY UP again JUST as his green beam reaches towards her brain. Well...almost reaches towards it.

After failing again to hit her on the brain, he stops shooting the beam.

At the same time, Demon #1 finally gets up as he regains consciousness. "Hey there buddy," he said to Demon #2. "Need help?"

Demon #1 glanced at him over his shoulder. "Oh yeah," he said with a nod. "I need help."

"Good I'll help you." Demon #1 then walk past him and CHARGES against Buffy. As he gets closer, he SWINGS A PUNCH towards her chest. But when he punched her, she didn't move; her LIGHTED-UP BODY meant that she didn't feel a punch from him nor a beam from Demon #2. Instead it was HIS fist that was giving the pain to. Yep turns out that he actually hurt himself. He looks at his fist.

"Oh is your fist hurt?" She asked Demon #1.

He then glanced back at her. "What?" He asked with a confused look on his face.

"I said...does your fist hurt when you tried to punch me?"

"Well yeah," he said while exchanging an anger look on his face. "Why in the world do you have to light up your whole body?"

"Yeah I like to ask that question myself to you bitch," Demon #2 said to her as he stands next to the other demon.

"Oh you call me a bitch huh?" She asked him with a smirk on her face.

"Yeah I can call you a bitch whatever in the world that I want."

"Okay then let me answer both of your question...WITH THIS!" She then SHOOTS A BIG-ASS BLAST OUT OF HER ENTIRE LIGHT-UP BODY! Her big blast SUPER KNOCKS both demons SO HARD that they were sent flying backwards before they landed on the ground on their backs, making them unconscious and unable to move a bit.

Buffy then turns her light off off of her body as she dust her hands off. "There," she said. "That should do it."

Then she hears a sound, which made her stop walking and looks around to see if any evil creature is coming towards her. "Come on out here," she continued. "Come out here so I can kick your freaking ass!"

Suddenly after she said it, someone coming from the bushes has jumped out behind her.

She turns around to see who that is: it a demon who is panting and smiling, ready to suck the blood of her.

While Buffy is stepping a few blocks backwards, she's not afraid to hurt a demon. "Oh there you are," she said to the demon while striking her kung-fu pose. "Boy that was fast."

"Yeah," Demon #3 said while he nods. "I heard you talking to demons like us and you're right we gonna kick your ass."

"Well try me," she said. "Because I don't think you guys gonna do this."

"Well we're prove you wrong, then."

"Okay, prove it." Buffy already knows these demons she's fighting can't prove a thing to defeat her.

"Okay then," Demon #3 SWINGS A PUNCH at her.

But she DODGED his first strike by bending down.

Demon #3 SWINGS A PUNCH again.

But she DODGED again, this time by bending up.

Then the demon tries a KICK.

But she swing herself to the right, avoiding his kick. She swings right back front.

Then the demon walks back several steps.

"What are you gonna do idiot?" She asked him. "Are you gonna run and head butt towards me?"

"Oh yeah," he said with a smooth tone.

"So you can defeat me?"

"Oh yeah," he said it again with a smooth tone. He then CHARGES as she RUNS towards her with the top of his head aiming towards her chest.

But she did a somersault OVER him, avoiding his headbutt strike.

The demon CONTINUES to run, unaware that he went past her. He then headbutts an APPROACHING DEMON INSTEAD!

POW!

THEY BOTH HIT IN THEIR BODIES, KNOCKING EACH OTHER UNCONSCIOUSLY! They then fell down to the ground.

She then land back down on both of her feet. She saw the two demons laying down on the floor.

02/03/2019 – 12:23pm

Right now, she's currently looking for a couple of evil creatures that's has been hiding in bushes, hiding behind the trees and hiding in the woods. Yes, she's an evil creature hunter and she usually hunts at nights.

At that night, she walks down the park looking left and right. Then she hear a strange sound that made her paused walking. After a few seconds of silence, she started tiptoeing so she can hear a better sound. When she heard that sound again, she stopped again and looked left; she realizes that that's where the sound is coming from.

She then tiptoeing again as she hears the sound getting louder and louder, knowing that some evil creature is fast approaching in any moment; she wants to make sure if that evil creature is coming towards her as she doesn't get off-guard or surprised by an unexpected monster jumping on her and get hurt or injured.

When the strange sound grew REALLY loud, she stopped as she doesn't want to tiptoe any further; she quickly acknowledges that the evil creature is coming. She can hear the evil creature's footsteps.

As she hears the footsteps, she clutches her right fist and rolls around as she's getting ready to punch. And then...

The evil creature jumped out of the bushes and ran towards her, almost ready to bite her.

But she rolls her right fist LIGHTING IT UP GOLDEN YELLOW and SWINGS A SUPER-ASS KNUCKLE PUNCH towards the evil creature REAL HARD!

POW!

The evil creature went FLYING WAY BACKWARDS and CRASHED into the ground.

She then SPEED-RUNS towards the evil creature, who is unconscious at this point.

She then takes a closer look at the evil creature in order to identify it; its a monster. A monster named Tommy.

Tommy the Monster slowly open his eyes to find her looking at him. When he sees her, he tried to SWING A PUNCH using his right fist.

But she quickly BLOCKED his fist with her left hand. "Trying to punch me?" She asked him. "Idiot monster."

"Yes I'm trying to punch you," he said. "Idiot."

"Oh you calling me an idiot, huh." She nods as she briefly looks away. "Okay," she said before she looks back at him. "Well this what you get for calling me an IDIOT!" She then GRABBED his fist, PULLING him off the ground and SWINGS him to her extreme left with HER EXCESSIVE FORCE sending him FLYING BACK and this time, he landed ALMOST CLOSE towards the road, causing several vehicles picnic as they try avoiding an accident.

She SPEED-RUNS towards Tommy the Monster again as he slowly picked himself up from the ground.

"Oh you pretty stronger than me huh?" He said.

"I thought so," she said.

"Well can you survive THIS?" He then emit a SUPER BURP on her with SO MUCH FORCE.

She immediately shut her eyes tightly and STRONGLY keep her balance as strong as she can with both of her feet on the ground apart.

He then STOPS burping as he can see that his burp hasn't blown her away yet. He then emits ANOTHER SUPER BURP on her with A LITTLE BIT MORE FORCE.

But she STILL kept her balance as STRONG as she can. Matter of fact, SUPER STRONG as she can. She never had either of feet moved AT ALL.

Seeing that it's no use, he then STOPPED burping again. "ONE. MORE. TIME." He then emit a SUPER BURP one more time.

Like his other burps, it didn't work; she STILL keeping her balance like a SUPER STRONG HUMAN BEING! After his third super burp STILL HASN'T BLOWN HER AWAY, he FINALLY STOPPED burping. He breaths heavily.

She finally open her eyes and stand up in a squared position as she finally answered his question. "Well yes sir," she said to him. "I can survive your weak-ass burp attacks. But you WON'T survive THIS!" She then emits a VERY SUPER POWERFUL-ASS BURP with EXCESSIVE FORCE sending him FLYING WAY PAST A BUNCH OF HOUSES and landed on the road while at the same time BLOWING TREES ON HER PATH!

Tommy the Monster went unconscious as he barely tried to picked himself up from the ground.

She then SPEED-RUNS towards him once again, this time on the road. After she speed-approached him once again. "Feel tired?" She asked him.

Tommy the Monster tries to speak to answer the question while trying to pick himself up from the ground. He's trying to. "Ummm...no," he said it slowly without looking at her.

But she can't barely hear him. "What the fuck did you say?" She asked him.

"I...said...," he slowly push both hands apart on the ground, pulling himself off. "Nnn...no," he mumbled.

"You're not tired?" She asked. "Because you seem like you can get yourself the fuck up."

"That's because you trying to beat me up dead," he said. "But now I'm STILL alive...and kicking," he finally stands up, painful but undetermined. "And I'm finally about to kick your ass once and for all!" He then SHOOTS laser beams out of his eyes almost going towards her.

But squared herself and LIGHTS UP HER WHOLE BODY FIERY HOT as she BLOCKS the laser beams from his eyes and then MELT them BURNING UP HIS WHOLE BODY in the process.

"Holy fuck," Tommy the Monster said as he can't get his laser beams shut and his body to cool down.

"Yeah holy fuck is right doofus," she said. "You're gonna be doomed!" She THROWS A FIERY PUNCH SHOOTING A FIRE BLAST OUT OF HER RIGHT FIST! The FIRE BLAST HITS him in the face KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND while BURNING HIS BODY in the process.

She then turn her whole body ICY COLD and starts BLOWING FROST OUT OF HER MOUTH towards him, turning him to FULL ICE while putting the fire out. Afterwards, she turns her whole body back to normal and SUPER KNUCKLE-PUNCHES him in the chest, not only BREAKING THE ICE but also DESTROYING the monster in the process. She then dust off her hands. "Well that work is done," she said.

She then about face and start walking back towards the park. She's walking away from the rubble of ice with victory on her hands.

Later at night, she went home at her house on Blueberry Street, less than a few miles from the park. There, she went into her room and turn on the light. Afterwards, she sat down on her bed.

As soon as she sat down on her bed, her smartphone starts ringing. She pulled her smartphone out of her right jeans pocket and check to she who she is: it's Willow, her best friend. She then answered the phone and place it on her right ear. "Hello," she said.

"Hey Buffy did you kick Tommy the Monster's butt?" asked Willow, who is in the room while reading a literature novel on her bed in pajamas.

"Well yeah girl," Buffy said. "I kick his butt. He was trying to scare my ass but I tiptoed carefully so that I won't get attacked and when I knew that monster is about to attack me, I gave him with a super punch."

"And then what happened?" Willow asked.

"I kinda super punch him a few times and I defeated him with ice and shit."

"Wait you freeze his butt to death?" She asked.

"Oh yeah I freeze his ass to death and then I punch the icy dead monster into pieces."

"Wow that's awesome! Did you kick anybody else's butt tonight?"

"Nope. That was the only one."

"Okay well I hope you kick some more butt tomorrow night."

"Yeah I hope so."

"Buffy would you please hang up the phone, it's bedtime!" Her mom, Joyce, shouted while not far away from her.

Buffy sighs, not wanting to be another one of her short conversations with her best friend. "Sorry I had to go to bed," she said to Willow.

"That's okay," Willow said. "We'll talk about it in another time."

"Alright see you at school tomorrow."

"Okay I will."

After they both hanged up their phones, Buffy gets up out of her bed, leaves her tank top on and starts taking off her jeans. She then folded her jeans and placed it on top of her desk draw that is in-between her bed and her bedroom closet. She then goes to her closet and takes out a pair of pajamas from the top of the pantry and puts them over her underwear. Afterwards, she went back to bed and turns off her light.

**Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is a property of 20th Century Fox Television, a division of The Walt Disney Company**.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Monday morning on a cloudy day in Sunnydale, California, and Xander got off the school bus. And at least we're early that day, meaning not much cars at the time. After the bus unloads him and the rest of the students he then went into the school's entrance.

As Xander enter the school building and start walking past by, he sees social circles of students already formed: he sees a group of girls playing "Pancake, Pancake, Baker's Man"; he sees another group of girls gossip to one another; he sees a group of boys rapping the recent popular rap song from their apparent favorite rapper; he sees a group of boys talking about the latest raunchy movie, apparently they're more interested in R-rated movies or TV-MA-rated shows or Parental Advisory-label music - something that's considered too inappropriate for these kinds of students (or boys, rather) to sees. It seems to him like they either growing up too fast or they want to sees something edgy as simple as that. Then he saw a group of boys gathered around to checkout another boy while playing a video game on his portable console. And the video game he's playing is pretty much like a "Call of Duty" game; yep, he's playing a M for Mature-rated game...just like most other boys do play and they're totally cool with that regardless if their parents are fine with it or not.

After he walked past them and as he headed towards the cafeteria (even though he already eaten breakfast, He just go in here to look around for awhile), he sees Ms. Megan - the security woman - walking around in circles while in patrol.

"Folks, breakfast is in the cafeteria," Ms. Megan said to the students who ether walked past by or standing in the corner or heading inside the cafeteria. "If you haven't eaten breakfast at home and you choose to eat breakfast in here, in the cafeteria, this is the time to do so because this is not the time to be fooling around and wait until the very last minute to come and eat your breakfast; you either eat now or skip it. Which one? Because the lunch ladies are going to be ticked off when anyone of you get to eat breakfast at the last minute. So either now or skip it because we're not playing games and we're certainly not joking around."

As he's heading closer to the cafeteria, Xander walked towards that security woman. "Um excuse me?" He asked her.

"What dear?" Ms. Megan said as she glanced at him.

"Can I go to the cafeteria?"

"Are you eating breakfast?"

"No," he said with a head shake.

"Then why did you want to go to the cafeteria right now?"

"Hmm...just to look around."

"Sir you can't just look around when the cafeteria is in breakfast mode; you either your friend is breakfast there or you get your breakfast yourself, have you already eaten you breakfast," she didn't have a break in her long sentence.

"Yes."

"Is your friend eating breakfast there?" She points a finger at the cafeteria door that she's two blocks behind.

He then paused myself before he even blurting out saying no because if he say no, she would block him from entering the cafeteria until he ether eat breakfast or not. And no, giving an explanation about why he's going there simply to look around will not make her allow him to get inside there. So therefore he had to lie in order to get in.

"Yes," he said to her with a nod. "My friend is in there." He point a finger at the same door she was pointing at.

"Alright you can come in," she said, unaware that he's actually lying to her or didn't bother to check the cafeteria to sees if there's an actual friend of mine eating breakfast there.

He then walked past her and start opening the door, entering the cafeteria. Once inside, he finally started to look around. From what he's seeing, there's similar social circles either in one line or sitting down at tables.

He sees a group of girls singing the newest hit song "I Want To Be Like A Small Town Girl"; he sees another group of girls gossip about the latest episode of their favorite primetime soap opera to one another; he sees a group of boys rapping another recent popular rap song from another one of their apparent favorite rappers; he sees a group of boys talking about...well the latest episode of a raunchy animated comedy. Then he saw a group of boys gathered around (while eating breakfast) to checkout another boy while playing a video game on his portable console. Yes, he has his breakfast tray in front of Oz but he's too busy playing that game. And the video game he's playing is pretty much like a "Battle of Warships" game.

"Excuse me sir," another security woman named Ms. Limelight said to him.

He turned around to look at her.

"What are you're doing walking around?" She asked.

"Um I was curious to sees how different groups of classmates talking about or doing their favorite thing."

"Well that's nice but you gonna have to do that in lunch time. Because (a few times) we can't have people hanging out there with no breakfast and we have people who have breakfast don't know where to sit. So you either eat breakfast here or get out."

Seconds later, he exit out of the cafeteria, feeling being kicked out by Ms. Limelight. He walked past Ms. Megan again and (this time) walking away from the cafeteria. He was a bit traumatized/shock but he kept my cool.

Afterwards as he walked down the hall, he turned to my left and saw a girl...a REALLY hot girl with a green t-shirt that shouts "School Spirit" and light blue skinny jeans with a brown-colored purse over her right shoulder while placed her right hand on its handler. As she walked around him (or past by) in her high heels and turned left, he can get a glimpse of her curvy backside in her sexy tight dark blue jeans. That turned out to be Buffy.

Oz - who placed his hands into his sweater pockets as he walks - loomed behind Xander; he almost about to walk past Xander until he caught a glimpse of him glimpsing of a hot girl's backside; he looked in slight horror as he apparently was bit uncomfortable at this so he decided to stand up to this unfortunate implication. "Um...excuse me," Oz said from behind.

Xander turned around to glanced at Oz.

"That was so fucking inappropriate," Oz said to Xander. "Why did you have the nerve look at a girl's butt?"

He stare left and right struggling to answer the question as he went awkward at Oz. "Um...I don't know," he said as these words was all he gave Oz as the answer.

To which Oz sighed. "Don't worry dude you're not the only one," he said. "There's a bunch and a bunch of guys who would definitely love to sees girls' behinds, I get that. Even I was one of them until I got into trouble for starting at Buffy's butt. Buffy got annoyed and would automatically mean that I'm a pervert and I got in trouble twice for starting at girls'...you know what. I have learned that lesson and I won't ever do that again and I have to tell you that staring at a girl's butt will cause you to become a pervert. Did you know what a pervert means?"

"Um...," he then paused before shaking my head as a no.

"A pervert means a person checking out another person's sexual parts. And the ones who get called on is the males - both young and old - and the ones who often call them out are the girls."

We then start walking to the left hallway as he continues to talk.

"You sees," Oz continued. "You stare at a girl's butt, you can stare at a girl's breasts, you can say 'nice butt' to her, you can say 'nice boobs' to her, you can make a comment about it. But the thing is not everyone - or every female, I should say - is going to be comfortable with it...

...while some girls are okay (due to the fact they have sex), the majority of other girls will feel like they have been actually sexually harassed by-"

"Have ever heard about consent?" He asked Oz.

"Well...okay yeah: you have to ask a girl's permission - or even a guy's permission - if you want to touch her sexy parts. But even that, if you're a guy - light or dark - and you even ask a girl to touch her sexy parts," Oz paused explaining with his cringeworthy look on his face. "Yeah you still will have consequences."

"Like what?"

"If you're touching a girl that you don't know, you'll be called out for sexual harassment the next day. If you're sleeping with a girl you don't know, one day she'll start making false accusations against you and you will be the one who's going to be destroyed. Yes you can fight false accusations either yourself or with a lawyer, but even if you fought back, you can't get your life and/or career back. Anyway I gotta go. So...peace." Oz makes a V sign gesture, singaling peace towards Xander.

Xander makes a similar sign as well towards Oz.

Oz then leaves.

Xander glanced to his left...and suddenly got his eyes on Buffy, one of his best friends. Walking in her high-heels with a green t-shirt that shouts "School Spirit" and light blue skinny jeans with a brown-colored purse over her right shoulder while placed her right hand on its handlers. And damn Buffy is SUPER BUFF! (No pun intended.) Even though she's not as tall as Xander is, she's SUPER BUFF AND SUPER MUSCULAR! To Xander, she must have been really working out or something. Because she looked as if she's gonna kick some butt and save the world.

As Xander got his eyes hooked on Buffy again, Xander didn't pay attention to where he's going and his suddenly got bumped into someone else. BUMP! A dude who's almost as small and skinny than him: Jonathan. Jonathan, too, got distracted by the same Buffy that Xander was looking at.

"Man are you okay?" Jonathan asked Xander as he stepped back.

"Yeah I'm fine," Xander said.

Then we glanced at the same Buffy again. As she's walking past by without notice, something caught their attention. It is her BIG MUSCLES that has caught their eyes. The muscular features of Buffy that turned both guys on.

"DAMN!" They both said in reaction.

"Man I don't want to make lewd comment on her," Jonathan said to him while still looking at her.

"And I can't keep staring at her muscles," Xander said. "Because doing so would make me a pervert. You know what pervert means."

"Yeah," Jonathan nodded while he stared at Xander to the left.

Xander then turned around and glanced back at Jonathan as the school bell rings.


End file.
